Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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