My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the condom got lost in my hair
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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