her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
