smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
