He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
