Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
