This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
