wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
