k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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