She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
