Non-Jews are for practice
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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