proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
