Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
