i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
