i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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