I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
