the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When did angry sex become our thing?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
