just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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