i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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