No awkward lesbian experiences without me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize