Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
