I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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