My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize