I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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