in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize