dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
