He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
