He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
