Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
