can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
