I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
