I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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