What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize