I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
