Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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