I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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