I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
