so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
