I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
