Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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