he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You're like the curious george of whores
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
