i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
