At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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