is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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