I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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