Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
