im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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