would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
