I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
