Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize