eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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