Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
