still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
