Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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