i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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