Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
