Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
