my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
