Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
