We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
