You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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