just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
