I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize