I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
