just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
All the doctor said was why
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
