apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
