your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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