I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
