Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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