so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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