We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
