fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
