So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
