Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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