call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
