Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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