It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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