I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am puke
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
