Ambien. No doubt about it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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