Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
