I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
