we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
