i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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