I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
