Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
this is an emotional support booty call
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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