I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Farmville is her only friend.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
