The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
