How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
