help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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