I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
