woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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