That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
