i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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