recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
