fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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