Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This is my gift to your gina
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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