I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
