last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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