he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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