God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
