she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
