at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
