he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
