I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
