grandma shit on top of the toilet
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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