I'm really into asian looking animals
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
