Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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