I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
