My friends, they love my intelligence
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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