we have officially mastered the walk of shame
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize